Gold Bars Page

Motherhood is a learning process that gives new meanings to life.

Mother's Dictionary

amnesia -- A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

bottle feeding -- An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM, too.

defense -- What you'd better have aroun de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.

drooling -- How teething babies wash their chins.

dumbwaiter -- One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

family planning -- The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

feedback -- The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

full name -- What you call your child when you're mad at him.

grandparents -- The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

hearsay -- What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

impregnable -- A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

independent -- How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

look out! -- What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

prenatal -- When your life was still somewhat your own.

prepared childbirth -- A contradiction in terms.

puddle -- A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

show off -- A child who is more talented than yours.

sterilize -- What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

storeroom -- The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

temper tantrums -- What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

thunderstorm -- A chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.

top bunk -- Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

two-minute warning -- When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

verbal -- Able to whine in words.

weaker sex -- The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

whodunit -- None of the kids that live in your house.

whoops! -- An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

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